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November 20, 2005
The Weird Side of Donor Insemination
I work with a lot of women who are bitterly single. They probably agree with MoDo (Maureen Dowd) that men are scared by successful women. I think men, like women, can smell desperation and aren't attracted to it. Many unmarried women in their 30s hear a booming biological clock. Unmarried men in their 30s see a new decade's worth of legal tail.
So, I can see why those unmarried hetero women turn to donor insemination (aka D.I.). I also understand why lesbian couples choose it. But the idea of meeting up with a dozen half siblings is just kinda freaky to me. I have enough trouble sorting through my familial relations as it is, I couldn't imagine having to deal with that many other people. And what makes a man worthy of planting his seeds so often? Why in the world would a married father of four be a donor? Was he in need of money, like most women who become egg donors? I didn't realize this until I had a discussion about the proliferation of egg donor ads in my women's college's school newspaper, but women risk infertility and sickness when they give up an egg, whereas men just have to get off in a sterile environment. It seems weird to me that blonde hair and blue eyes are moving forward as the preferred traits by the many women using D.I.
Its not surprising to me that D.I. is a highly unregulated field. The US doesn't bother to properly regulate its meat production, why should it worry about something as banal as the creation of human life? Better to criminalize using birth control by allowing pharmacists to decide their "religious beliefs" wont allow them to dispense legal prescriptions.
A girl in the NYT story made an appropriate comment:
"I hate when people that use D.I. say that biology doesn't matter (cough, my mom, cough)," Danielle wrote in an e-mail message, using the shorthand for donor insemination. "Because if it really didn't matter to them, then why would they use D.I. at all? They could just adopt or something and help out kids in need."Indeed. Why is it that adoption seems to only be in vogue for freaks like Angelina Jolie? And can someone please explain to me why the upper middle class feel better traipsing across the world to pick out a designer Asian kid instead of adopting one of the thousands of kids here in the US eager for a family? I believe it is racism - white folks would rather a "pliable, smart" Asian baby rather than a Latino or Black American kid. Then again, black American kids who are adopted by lilly white Canadians have been documented as having problems being fully accepted in social circles in Canada, and also wondering what their culture is really like.
I've strayed a lot from my ethnic roots. I'm Jewish and know that the majority of my ancestors were Ukrainian, even though at the time no one called a Jew an equal. But I don't have to wonder about my biological roots the way my older brother does (he was adopted). All I have to do is feel guilty that I have a stronger personal connection to my sister, who shares my parenthood, than I do to my brother. This article further cements my certainty that I'd rather adopt a child than accept anonymous sperm.
The article that sparked this post: "Hello, I'm Your Sister. Our Father Is Donor 150." by Amy Harmon in today's NYT (randomly, my hard copy of today's NYT was STOLEN! by a frickin neighbor! I can't wait to leave this place.)
Posted by cj at November 20, 2005 02:28 PM
Comments
I liked this post. Especially the analogy comparing the ineffective regulation of meat in the US to the donor conception industry.
DI_Dad
Posted by: DI_Dad at January 24, 2006 11:26 PM