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May 21, 2006
Ode to My Lost Hair
I've had many haircuts over the years. At times, I've chosen to cut a helluva lot of it off. On Friday, May 19, 2006 I did not plan to lose the vast majority of my hair. I planned to get it shaped in anticipation of my cuz's wedding next weekend. Never before has a hair cut brought me to tears. Saturday morning, I was crying.
So what went so horribly wrong? I went to Salon Diva with an image in my head of what I wanted: a bob, could be shorter in the back, tapering towards the front. I looked through a book of short haircuts. Fell in love with a variation on a cut I've had in the past: short in the back, long in the front. Instead of saying "this is what I want" I tried to explain to the hair dresser that I wanted to be able to part my hair in the middle. So she showed me a second photo. I thought she was showing it to show the edge of the hair: how it was a diagonal slant. So I enthusiastically said, yes exactly. She asked me if I was ready for short haircut. I said, oh I've had my hair much shorter before.
So that was my first fatal mistake. I should've made sure at that point we were still talking about the same frickin haircut. Because, you see, her idea was to cut all of my hair REALLY SHORT, like in the pic she showed me. My idea was to look more hetero than butch, like the pic I showed her.
So she started cutting. And mind you, I have to take my glasses off to get my hair cut, rendering me blind. She had me put my glasses on to see half my head. I gasped. It was clearly several inches shorter than I wanted: instead of my hair covering my entire ear, it was ABOVE IT! I kept repeating how fast my hair grows, how it'll be okay because my hair grows fast.
She really, really didn't get it. When she was through butchering my head, she kept repeating that she was willing to cut more off. That if I changed my mind, she'd be willing to do a trim, no problem. TRIM?!?! There's not enough hair left to warrant a trim! To add insult to injury, there's no diagonal line of hair. There is simply an extremely unflattering straight line across the top of my ears. I couldn't be more horrified.
And yes, my small head is perfectly shaped for short hair cuts, so even with this woman butchering my hair, I am still able to make it look decent. But instead of having flowing, wavy hair this summer I have to constantly work against my butch haircut in my pursuit of male companionship. I have a copy of Frida Kahlo's self portrait, where she cut off all her hair and looks like a man in a suit on a chair. Never thought that would happen to me against my will. I really wish I could fast forward my hair growth five months. I can't believe how long it's going to take me to undo her horrific handiwork. And don't get me started on how bad I'm going to look in my cousin's wedding pictures. I guess it's a good thing we're second cousins: probably means less photos to commemorate this horrifying experience.
Posted by cj at May 21, 2006 07:05 PM