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January 06, 2007
Being a 28 y/o Cancer Patient
Most of the time, I keep my positive face on for the world to see. After all, I don't have some horrible disease that will kill me. For the most part, my thyroid doesn't even bother me. Sure, I have to be careful not to drink too fast or eat too fast (because it gets stuck in my throat), but that's because I have a goiter (enlarged thyroid), not because of the cancer.
Some people think I caused the cancer. Oh, sure, that's not exactly how they say it; but when someone asks you if your smoking caused the cancer that's what's really behind the question. I haven't asked an endocrinologist, but so far my research shows no connection between smoking and thyroid cancer, in case you were wondering. And yes, I quit smoking. Sorta. It's not like your desire to smoke suddenly disappears. Smoking is a great stress relief - that's the reason I started smoking. And when I heard the news, I really just wanted to smoke, Instead, I drank Syrah and ate chocolate.
It's great that people are sending me positive greetings over email. It touched me so much to have an activist friend in Lebanon say she checked with a doctor and he confirmed what I said about thyroid cancer being 100% curable. Amazing the power of the net and WILPF. Of course, that cuts both ways - I wonder if my friends who haven't responded are too freaked to reply to my email, or if it got caught in their spam filter because I bcc'd everyone.
But in the end, the big take away from this experience is how singular each individual person is. I dunno, maybe I'm too dramatic about this, but at the end of the day the only one there is me. Perhaps that's why I want a dog - it would feel good to have someone who depends on me and whom I can depend on.
I'm looking forward to my life after cancer. I know it wont be completely easy - after all, I'll have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life. And it's not like birth control or allergy medicine, it's sorta imperative to take it everyday and not forget. But that's okay. I kinda doubt I'll forget that I lost an organ and need to replace it with a pill. It's just ironic, because my daily aches and pains have nothing to do with my thyroid. My hips hurt, my hands hurt, my neck hurts but none of those things are big news. Only a 2 cm nodule in my neck is causing mass concern about my health. The world turns in mysterious ways...
Posted by cj at January 6, 2007 11:47 AM