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April 27, 2007
Approaching 30
The older I get, the harder it is to remember my age. I know this sounds ridiculous, but every time I have to write it down on an official form, I do a double-take. Is that really me? When did I get that old? What exactly did I do with all that time between turning 21 and now?
Yesterday, I performed my civic duty - I went to jury duty. Writing down 29, I had to remind myself that yes, a month ago I did in fact celebrate my 29th birthday. Where did that time go?
I've stood still for the last 1.5 years. Outwardly, things have changed: I quit a dead-end job, I moved back to Cali, I started a fascinating career doing something I never dreamed would make me happy, etc. But inwardly, I stopped.
October, 2005, while breaking my heart in slow motion, you wondered how you would be portrayed in a chapter of my memoir. Instead of writing it down and letting it go, I chose to stop - clinging to memories of ecstasy, rather than moving willfully towards future happiness.
Cancer has done strange things to me - it has slowed me down physically, but sped me up mentally. Waking up early one day causes me to be completely decimated the next. But none of these changes have exorcised you. Tonight, I begin the process of removing you from the present tense of my emotional life.
I've lived all this time afraid that each person only gets one soulmate and that my fate was to live out my days pining for a soulmate lost to the excitement & freedom of individuality. I can't pretend to be as romantic or emotionally open as I was as a young woman. But I can choose to stop believing I'm stuck on a dead-end street.
I choose the open road. I don't know where it's headed and I can't see over the next ridge to know what options are in my future. With one foot in front of the other, I will be me again. The complete me: full of love, eager to dance, enjoying fine wine, good food, and better company. I will not hide in my activism or my paid work.
Eleven years ago, I sat in this room cursing the walls that closed me in. I travelled far and wide to understand the basic truth: happiness lies within and does not depend on physical surroundings. I still wish my fam lived in Chicago or Boston, but they're here; so I'm here. And it's a great place to be.
Posted by cj at 08:33 PM | Comments (0)
April 01, 2007
Blood Diamond: Good Movie, Poor Explanation of Africa
I saw Blood Diamond for the first time on Friday night. It was on my list of "I'd like to see it" around Oscar time, but this year I barely saw anything in the theatre. There were a few other things going on in my life, so I don't feel too guilty about that. Plus, I'm quite leery of movies with a political point. As a peace activist, I stay on top of world news and often understand situations beyond the simplistic way they're related in movies.
For example, Hotel Rwanda included kindly white religious folk who helped shelter potential genocide victims. This was in direct contradiction to the horrific story behind the title of "We Wish to Inform You That Tomorrow We Will be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda." In general, films on global issues created by US filmmakers tend to gloss over the role that white people have in creating/perpetuating the problem. Instead, white people are shown as saviors and their society's economic and political structure is what the non-European world should aspire to.
Blood Diamond did suffer a bit from white savior syndrome. In general, it was surprisingly good and much better than I anticipated. Even though I've enjoyed most of his recent movies, I was also leery of the film's star - Leo DiCaprio. I've been trying to figure out why I hated the guy so much. I think it started because he went to high school with my cousin and I heard he was obnoxious even before he got famous. And Titanic sealed my belief that he was just another pretty face. It's strange how you can hold onto prejudices long after they've been proven wrong.
As the paid critics noted in their reviews of the film, Leo has grown up - his face is broader, his voice is lower; he's more man than Titanic boy toy. And while I appreciated his accent, and enjoyed his unapologetic acts of random violence, I was bored by his extremely forced flirting with the doey-eyed white reporter. I was shocked that Jennifer Connelly's character seemed to lump all non-whites into a "victims for copy" category and only saw white men as virile enough to satisfy her desires. Is this still the 21st century?
The last half hour was the most disappointing - every Hollywood cliche was followed and everyone had to get their due. The morally pure simple black folk were saved by the generous white folk and given free passage out of Africa and into the morally superior land that is Britain. The whites saw the evil of their ways and created the Kimberly Process, through which all white women can pretend that conflict diamonds are no longer smuggled out of Africa.
Another amusing aspect to white Hollywood's portrayal of Africa is that the only people who exist in Hollywood Africa are really dark black people, pale white women, and sun-weathered white men. Apparently, explaining how Indians became part of the population, or the Chinese businessmen who support genocide in the name of oil, or Arabs would complicate matters too much.
One more quibble - in this, and most Hollywood portrayals of Africa, the entire continent is described as a unified place, sorta as big as a country and as homogeneous as one. Take the refrain "T.I.A." - this is Africa, which the white Africans repeat throughout the movie. As if the problems of Zimbabwe, South Africa, and Angola (southern African countries referenced by the white cast) are exactly the same as what's happening in Sierra Leone (the west African country where the movie is supposed to take place, even though it was entirely filmed in South Africa).
So now you know what's wrong with the movie. Yet, it still shines as a good Hollywood flick - violent adventure with a touch of morality, and visual portrayals of how to create child soldiers. The movie does a great job depicting a civil war where none of the sides are "white hats." DiCaprio captures the cold-hearted nature of a white man born in Africa with amazing precision. I believe it was his best performance of last year, although I still think The Departed was a better all-around movie.
Too bad Blood Diamond ends with Hollywood cliches and white saviour moments. It's worth watching, but doesn't rise above what it is: white filmmakers' interpretation of black Africa's connection to the white world of the diamond trade.
Rotten Tomatoes entry.
Ann Hornday's review in WaPo.
Ty Burr's review in the Boston Globe.
David Denby's review in The New Yorker.
A political map of Africa.
Posted by cj at 06:40 AM | Comments (0)