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February 10, 2008
Romantic Love and Feminism
Recently, I've been confronted with the negative effects of romantic love. The all-consuming nature of this love can be a detriment to a person's well-being, particularly when the love is not mutual. Just as importantly, falling head over heels prevents an individual's rational mind from having complete decision-making authority.
These are not necessarily bad things. I'm not a curmudgeon who thinks only fools fall in love. I'm just worried that in this highly competitive modern society, we haven't figured out how to maintain individual autonomy while accepting support from a lover.
I know that in my time at a women's college, I never once had to think deeply about my personal future - never had to figure out what it would be like to be financially dependent on another person, either for myself or my offspring. In fact, there was very little opportunity to confront the realities of modern society in my four cloistered years. Sure, I delved deeply into understanding human sexuality, gender roles, gender identity, and gender leadership through my chosen course work. But what does it mean to be dependent on another person to raise a child? What about when you're a passionate artist, and depend on your lover for food, shelter, and all those other material needs? What happens to you when the lover is no longer the support you need?
I'm being haunted by these questions because of things that happened to friends in the recent past. I know I am not responsible for other people's choices, but I keep wondering if I was better at being non-judgmental if my friendship could be a stronger support mechanism. I know this is irrational, but I keep grasping at straws as to how I can help my friends believe that both romantic love and feminist independence is possible. And that even if you've temporarily lost your independence, you will heal and you will return to your full self.
This is my Valentine's Day hope - that we can stop being afraid of getting close to one another, while remembering the importance of our separate identities.
...with hope for the future for my brilliant friend: a true artist and inspiration who will emerge from this dark period to continue inspiring the world with her magnificent writing and poetic acting.
Posted by cj at 01:08 PM | Comments (0)
February 02, 2008
Birth Control: Probably Still Okay
It gets tiring listening to news reports about the latest trial involving a widely used drug or drug family. Every epidemiological study seems to contradict the one before it. Which is why I was happy to read "The Pill, A Rock Opera" by Amanda Schaffer in Slate. Seems that there is definitive evidence that birth control decreases the risk of ovarian cancer. It probably doesn't increase the risk of anything else, though it might if you smoke.
For a long time I refused to consider birth control. My reasoning was simplistic - I felt it was unwise to mess with your hormone levels and that daily drug use was destined to cause problems. Nothing necessarily strange about that, except that while I was steadfastly refusing the gynecologist's offer of a script, I was also puffing away on cartons of cigarettes. Can't exactly be indignant about prescription drug effects when you're smoking cancer sticks.
In the end, I realized that freedom from condoms was a fair trade-off for possibly, probably not increasing my risk of disease. Strangely enough, the other hormone I take daily is more likely to cause long-term problems (early onset menopause, random cancers) than my lil white pill. Since I can't actually survive without my metabolism drug, I decided sometime last year to stop caring about future risk and focusing on today.
...this post is in honor of the 1-year anniversary of my thyroidectomy.
Posted by cj at 03:21 PM | Comments (0)
Car Lust
I've never owned a new car. I've never owned a car I chose to buy. While I appreciate my big grey whale, and have enjoyed several cross-country trips hauling all my worldly possessions in it, I think it's time to move on. I'm excited about having the time to research cars and make a decision about what to buy, rather than having an emergency force me to get something right away.
I'm intrigued that my coworkers think used cars are the way to go. You can get the type of car you want at a good deal by going this route. Though, as a female with zero ability to gauge the honesty of repairmen, I'm wary of leaving myself open to abuse. Trust me, I've sunk enough extra money into my Mercury Grand Marquis to buy a used Honda over the 5.5 years I've been driving it.
The other interesting thing about my male coworker's discussion of cars is that no one seems primarily concerned with color choice. I mean, people are willing to take a deal (particularly on used cars) rather than wait for the color combo that looks perfect. This may be a chick thing, maybe I'm just childish, but once I make a decision on the make/model of the car the most important decision to me is exterior and interior color. This is a helluva lot more important than all the extra doodads (particularly the dumbass guy lust for cool rims) you could put on a car.
As a chick, I can't help but be surrounded by mothers. From my own mom's decision to drive a Toyota mini-van, to my sister's mini-SUV, all around me women are making choices based on hauling their own kids or kids they're related to. And to declare my own independence from such accessories, I'm determined to get a sexy, lil car to replace my whale.
Right now, my eye is on the Nissan Z Coupe Touring in black with Burnt Orange Leather interior or the Audi TT Coupe 2.0 TFSI w Premium Package in Brilliant Black with Fine Nappa Leather in Luxor Beige interior. The Z's estimated price is $34,075 whereas the TT's estimated price is $38,050.
Seems a good thing that this new fangled internet allows one to lust after material possessions without having to deal with salesmen, since both are beyond my budget at the present time.
Random research note - supposedly the trade-in value of my whale is $3,400. Though my coworker tells me it'd be easy to sell it in the Latino community, where the model is highly valued.
...maybe I'll go test drive some cars today. Looks like a good day to play...
Posted by cj at 11:56 AM | Comments (0)