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February 10, 2008
Romantic Love and Feminism
Recently, I've been confronted with the negative effects of romantic love. The all-consuming nature of this love can be a detriment to a person's well-being, particularly when the love is not mutual. Just as importantly, falling head over heels prevents an individual's rational mind from having complete decision-making authority.
These are not necessarily bad things. I'm not a curmudgeon who thinks only fools fall in love. I'm just worried that in this highly competitive modern society, we haven't figured out how to maintain individual autonomy while accepting support from a lover.
I know that in my time at a women's college, I never once had to think deeply about my personal future - never had to figure out what it would be like to be financially dependent on another person, either for myself or my offspring. In fact, there was very little opportunity to confront the realities of modern society in my four cloistered years. Sure, I delved deeply into understanding human sexuality, gender roles, gender identity, and gender leadership through my chosen course work. But what does it mean to be dependent on another person to raise a child? What about when you're a passionate artist, and depend on your lover for food, shelter, and all those other material needs? What happens to you when the lover is no longer the support you need?
I'm being haunted by these questions because of things that happened to friends in the recent past. I know I am not responsible for other people's choices, but I keep wondering if I was better at being non-judgmental if my friendship could be a stronger support mechanism. I know this is irrational, but I keep grasping at straws as to how I can help my friends believe that both romantic love and feminist independence is possible. And that even if you've temporarily lost your independence, you will heal and you will return to your full self.
This is my Valentine's Day hope - that we can stop being afraid of getting close to one another, while remembering the importance of our separate identities.
...with hope for the future for my brilliant friend: a true artist and inspiration who will emerge from this dark period to continue inspiring the world with her magnificent writing and poetic acting.
Posted by cj at February 10, 2008 01:08 PM